I know I haven't been as good about updating this thing as I should be. I try to keep up with my campaign journals and I've been meaning to do an update on our current game (I plan on writing that after I'm done with this one), but I've been pretty all over the place and given this is my personal blog there is no more appropriate place to talk about this than here so that's what I'm going to do.
So, typical warning, this entry is going to be a lot of personal boost.
Anyway, I'm just riding a week long anxiety spike and at the risk of a potential TMI right now as we speak Shark Week isn't helping. That was a euphamism for my period not in reference to actual shark week that is happening this week, although to be fair large things in the ocean simultaneously fascinate and scare the crap out of me.
I took a couple of days off from the internet just to get away from the crippling existential dread of it, and that was good. Like, I was still online sort of just not on social media and I can honestly say that was really good for me while it lasted, like coming up for air from this toxic cloud that is the internet half the time. Most of the time I can just shrug it off, it's just been hard lately. I don't really want to dwell on it, but then my mind picks itself raw and I keep thinking 'what if I did this wrong' and the anticipate of all that nastiness is so much worse than the real thing.
I'm really lucky to have good friends to talk me through it when this stuff happens, though. Like honestly they're the best for listening to me gripe and knowing the right thing to say every time. I'm alright, it's not as bad as it could be, it's just a thing that's there.
Like, getting stung by a wasp. It's probably about a 2 but it's a constantly present 2 and it builds up after a while. Or, you know, for those of you that haven't been stung by a wasp kind of like being poked over and over again until it starts to hurt really badly? That's the best way I can describe it.
But honestly if I'm going to let something slip this blog is always the first thing and it's becoming something that I just feel really guilty about not keeping updated. I did say 'with some regularity' though. If that regularity is once or twice a month that's not so bad I think.
I'll keep smiling, like always, but it's got to give somewhere, sometime. And like I said, my personal blog seems like the right place to do that. Sometimes smiling doesn't work. And when that fails, being honest helps a little so that's what I'm doing. Giving myself about 10 minutes of self pity time and then it's time to get back up and try again.
That's really all I got.
Megan R. Miller