Wednesday, February 27, 2019

Why Can't We Candidly Talk About Vagina?

Raise your hand if you've heard a dick joke this week.

I'm willing to bet most people have because they're extremely common and nobody thinks twice about penis. Nobody thinks twice about pointing out when something is phallic. Meanwhile when the topic of vagina comes up, people get squirrely and I don't get it.

So. I'm about to rant about female genitalia (and similarly there are going to be a lot of penis references as well). If you've met me, you know this is going to be irreverent. If you haven't -gestures- there's your warning. Obviously if that's not something you're interested in reading about, don't read this one.


Penises are so prevalent that people seem to be desensitized to them. Plenty of comedy hinges on something being obviously phallic in appearance and everybody laughs because they've seen balls a million times.

Meanwhile, I was watching this video by one of my favorite youtubers where she was talking about writing smut, candidly said "dick" and then bleeped out the word "pussy". Like alright, this video is already about smut, we all knew what we were getting in to, and if you didn't know it was coming by that point in the video, that's on you, not on her, and yet she still felt the need to bleep out the reference to  vagina. And only vagina.

It reminded me of this time I was in an online group chat. For context, these are people I have known for years, all of them. I know what bothers them, what they're likely to think is a problem, and what their triggers are, because they are my friends and I care about them.

On this particular day, we were throwing out a bunch of raunchy memes and laughing because as millennials on the internet, that's what you do. For more context, this group is about 80% AFAB and we're close so we're all synced up if you catch my drift. We have a lot of conversations about menstruation (usually referring to it as "Shark Week") and this is never an issue.

But somewhere between the dick memes and the raunchy jokes, I posted a meme and things got a little weird.


This was the meme in question. I want to point out, some of the former pictures in this conversation were very obvious penises. There were balls involved. This is a picture of a bop it, a rubix cube, and a computer mouse. There isn't anything remotely obscene about it, and yet this was the straw that made one of my online friends say "Maybe we should take this conversation to NSFW".

So what I want to know, is why is it you can pretty much depict an entire dick, balls included, and that's fine, but alluding to a woman -gasp- experiencing pleasure during sex makes it obscene? What is it about women's genitals that makes people suddenly iffy? To the point that a picture of a computer mouse, compared to the clitoris, is suddenly something NSFW?

And again, I'm pretty sure it's because we talk about dicks all the time. Dick jokes are a staple of most 12-year-olds senses of humor, and it's become pretty much accepted in the same way that people look at a man who sleeps around as a legend and a woman who does the same thing as promiscuous and dirty.

It's a double standard and I'm not having it.

Talk about clitoris! Talk about the labia! Have candid conversations about vagina.

I'm sure a few of you have heard of the "Penis Game", right? I'm sure a lot of us have even played it, but on the off chance it's new to you I'll give you a brief run down. It's a game kids play to test their bravery where the object of the game is you go around in the group and someone says "penis", and the next person has to be louder than the one that went before them. So you usually get someone whispering, then someone whispering a little louder, and then that one kid (I bet you'd never guess this, but I was usually that one kid) who would just shout it and look at the next person expectantly.

Play the penis game. But with vagina.

Because it's not some mysterious unknowable thing, guys. Vagina isn't inherently dirty, and PS, I've been down there and it really isn't any harder to manipulate than a dick if you know what you're doing.

Spoilers: It's like 90% clitoral stimulation. If you're doing that and it's still not working, it is totally possible that your partner isn't into it or just isn't relaxed enough to get there. Talk to them. That tongue is useful for more than one thing, fool.

So, tl;dr: Normalize vagina. This dichotomy where dick jokes are "immature humor" and vaginas are "NSFW" has got to go.


Fortune Favors,
Megan R. Miller

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