Wednesday, May 15, 2019

10 Reasons Why Canderous Ordo is a Better Boyfriend than Carth Onasi

Salutations, my curious congregation. I'm late to this party. As in, I never played Knights of the Old Republic back when it was new, but swung around to give it a go recently and I have some feelings about the NPCs and romantic interest(s). Or lack thereof.

Anyway I know it's Thursday and this is supposed to be my writing blog. I know this is technically about gaming. But I mean it's about the writing in a game so we're halfway there, right?

Content Warnings: Regular dose of irreverence, some swearing, and KotOR/KotOR2 spoilers. If you haven't played them, why would you even click this?

But also this game is so old if you're going to have found out about plot stuff for it you probably already have so let's get to it.

There were romance options in this game. Two for the female Revan, which I was, that were just about the least compelling characters I've ever seen in a game, and one for male Revan, who was just as bad. I did like Juhani, but her romance path was buggy and I'm just not that into her.

But let's talk about Carth for a second and how terrible he was. Or better yet, let me tell you why Canderous is obviously the superior boyfriend and the game should have let me romance him instead.

10. Canderous is more interesting.

So Carth snarks a little bit and has his tragic back history about his dead wife and child that turns out not to be so dead later and blah blah blah whine about it some more. He was very evidently just supposed to be interesting because the PC was supposed to be interested, but the game doesn't do a whole lot to actually you know. Give you a reason to care.

Meanwhile Canderous has this biting sarcasm to him. He shows up working with a criminal and you have this obvious and immediate tension, then you steal a ship together and it just sets the entire relationship up on a far more interesting foot than "we have to find Bastila".

9. Carth is whiny.

I mean, he is. He's all "I don't trust you" and "whine sob my life is terrible". He isn't fun.

Canderous, on the other hand, has seen some serious shit and is ready to get up and seize more by the horns. I feel like that's something Revan needs in her life. You fought in the same war! You've bested him on the big battlefield! Carth is just some guy that happened to be on the same space ship as you.

8. Canderous would probably get your jokes.

I mean. You thought HK-47 calling a dude a "meatbag" was so funny you asked him to keep doing it, right? I could see Canderous seeing the amusement in that.  Meanwhile Carth just...what evidence do we have that he even has a sense of humor? Not much.

7. Canderous only compliments you on things that actually matter.

We're like fifteen minutes into the game before Carth drops "Beautiful" on you like you wanted to hear that. Then immediately turns around and talks about how he doesn't trust you. Like, you can't have it both ways, Carth. Are you flirting with me or do you not trust me?

Meanwhile Canderous talks about your prowess in battle. You earn his respect and these legitimate compliments come later when he actually knows you and there's some real mutual respect there. He doesn't flirt superficially. I mean, he doesn't really flirt at all, but he's not really a flirting kind of guy, is he? He's stable instead of shallow and he knows what he wants.

6. In KotOR 2 they talk about how you went somewhere you couldn't take anyone you loved.

And yeah okay, you didn't take Carth with you. But you didn't take Canderous either and Kreia makes this big deal about how you left him behind when she's talking to him on Dxun. Like he really wants to know why you left him behind. It seems to me like if you didn't love him you could have taken him with you, right?

5. Canderous enjoys you asking about his war stories.

No seriously, even when he's being all gruff and acting like you aren't friends, he still enjoys telling you his war stories and respects that you ask. It's clear that his iffiness about you is a farce, and meanwhile Carth is never happy to see you. It's always snippiness with him.

4. To be honest, Canderous is better looking.

He has that silver fox thing going on. And that hot and dangerous thing. Carth has this kind of boyish charm, sure, but he sort of looks like every default brown-haired anime protagonist. Canderous has scars. Scars are interesting.

Even Juhani, whose selling point was that she almost fell to the dark side, comes off as being very demure and fragile most of the time when you talk to her.

I don't know about your Revan, but mine probably would have been into the more dangerous man.

3. Canderous is better in combat.

Okay so it depends on how you build them and equip them, but Carth was just not great near the beginning of the game and once I got Canderous he stayed in my party pretty much the entire time. All you really have to do is hand him a melee weapon and he kicks an inordinate amount of ass.

Carth, on the other hand, ended up on the floor a lot. More like Carth No-nasi.

2. Apparently the game thinks Canderous is more interesting, too.

Because guess who is a companion in KotOR 2 and guess who isn't. I mean Carth is in the game, but not for long, and never playable. Meanwhile, you get Canderous, and he's been doing all kinds of interesting shit in the mean time. Go, Mandalore.

And what has Carth been doing? Staying back, helping keep the republic stable, sure. But I mean, that's just keeping the status quo, what are his goals, man? What does he want? I like a man of action. I feel like Revan and Canderous could be a total power couple and Carth would just end up eating space cheetos on the space sofa most nights.

1. Canderous accepts you unconditionally and Carth is willing to drop you like a hot potato as soon as he finds out who you used to be.

Okay, look. This whole "I don't trust you thing" was old but understandable in the beginning but towards the end of the game, especially after he's spent the entire time seeing who you've become, the fact that Carth is able to turn around and be like "I just don't know you anymore angst whine" tells me he isn't stable enough to be love interest material for one of the most powerful force users in the galaxy.

Meanwhile Canderous takes it in stride. No questions asked. Okay, you're Revan. He's still with you no matter what. That's fucking loyalty right there and given the choice I will pick that every time.

Fortune Favors,
Megan R. Miller

P.S. There is also some shipping in my most recent novel, Torchlighters, and I promise none of the romantic interests in this book are as rude to each other as Carth is to you in KotOR. Check it out <3

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